🌿 Finding Ease in the Messy Middle: The Link Between Perfectionism, Anxiety, and Grief
1. When Holding It All Together Feels Too Heavy
So many of us learn early on that the way to stay safe is to keep everything together — to anticipate, prepare, and do things just right. But after loss or major change, that same instinct can become exhausting. We try to manage grief perfectly, to stay composed, to not “burden” others. Yet striving to be perfect often leads to constant anxiety, tension, and self-doubt. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I should be further along by now,” or “I can’t fall apart — people are counting on me,” know that you’re not alone.
Grief is not something to fix or control. It’s a human experience asking to be felt and integrated — gently, in your own time, and with support.
Sometimes, “keeping it all together” becomes the heaviest thing we carry. 💛 Healing begins when we allow the pieces to rest, not when we force them back into place.
2. Why Perfectionism and Anxiety Often Walk Hand in Hand
Perfectionism and anxiety often dance together. Perfectionism whispers, “If I do everything perfectly, I’ll finally feel at peace.” Anxiety replies, “You haven’t done enough yet.”
Perfectionism creates unrealistic expectations — a belief that worthiness depends on performance, appearance, or control. Anxiety keeps that cycle spinning, fueling worry, overthinking, and the fear of failure. Together, they reinforce each other: perfectionism tells you that safety comes from “getting it right,” while anxiety convinces you that you never quite have.
This loop can become especially intense when you’re grieving. The world feels uncertain, and perfectionism offers the illusion of control — but it often deepens the pain instead of soothing it.
3. When Grief Meets Perfectionism: How It Feels in Your Body
After loss, perfectionism can show up in quiet, embodied ways — sensations that tell the story your words may not yet hold.
Tightness in the chest or jaw from holding back tears.
Tension in the shoulders from carrying others’ emotions as your own.
Restlessness or fatigue from trying to “manage” your grief instead of tending to it.
Overfunctioning — throwing yourself into tasks or caregiving because stillness feels unsafe.
You might find yourself comparing your grief to others, apologizing for your emotions, or pushing yourself to “move on” faster than your heart is ready. Your body often tells the truth before your mind does. These sensations are invitations — gentle reminders to slow down, breathe, and let yourself be human.
4. The Quiet Costs of Always Trying to Get It Right
Perfectionism carries an invisible weight. It can slowly drain your energy, your joy, and your ability to be present.
To yourself: it breeds shame, burnout, and disconnection from your own needs.
To your relationships: it can create emotional distance when vulnerability feels too risky.
To your spirit: it blocks joy, spontaneity, and self-compassion — the very qualities that nurture healing.
In grief, perfectionism can keep you stuck in “doing” rather than feeling. It can make rest feel like failure and softness feel unsafe. Yet the heart of grief work — especially somatic grief healing — lies in learning to listen to the body, not to control it.
5. Finding Freedom: How Coaching Helps You Loosen Perfectionism’s Grip
Coaching for perfectionism offers a compassionate space to untangle these patterns — especially when it’s grounded in trauma-informed, body-based grief healing.
Together, we explore where perfectionism began — often rooted in early experiences of needing to be strong, responsible, or invisible to stay safe. Through gentle, somatic grief support and mind-body awareness practices, coaching helps you:
Recognize perfectionism as a protection strategy, not a flaw.
Reconnect with your body’s natural cues for rest, release, and renewal.
Practice self-compassion and nervous-system regulation.
Cultivate a more grounded, authentic way of being — one that honors both your grief and your growth.
Whether you’re facing your first Christmas without a loved one, navigating grief during the holidays, or seeking grief coaching online, these approaches create a space where healing unfolds naturally — not through striving, but through allowing.
You might begin with a Zoom grief support group, a grief healing retreat, or one-on-one coaching designed to support both grief and trauma healing. However you begin, it’s about meeting yourself where you are — with tenderness instead of expectation.
6. A Gentle Invitation to Begin
If you recognize yourself in these words — the high achiever, the caregiver, the one who “holds it all together” — I want you to know: you don’t have to carry this alone.
Coaching can help you soften perfectionism’s grip, calm anxiety, and reconnect with the parts of you that long to rest and be held.
💛 Schedule a free Discovery Call to explore how somatic, trauma-informed coaching can support your healing journey. Together, we’ll create space for your grief, your growth, and the gentle possibility of peace.
Dawn M. Geoppinger, Trauma-Informed Grief & Embodiment Coach
Dawn M. Geoppinger is a Trauma-Informed Grief & Embodiment Coach based in Portland, Oregon, with a strong foundation of over two decades of professional experience in public administration, education, and the nonprofit sector. She specializes in grief education, somatic movement, breathwork, and mindfulness, integrating evidence-based approaches such as somatic practices, post-traumatic growth and woman-centered principles to help clients reconnect with themselves, regulate their nervous systems, and honor the full spectrum of loss and healing. Through her practice, The Embodied Grief Journey™, Dawn provides compassionate, expert support both in person and online—creating safe, nurturing spaces for individuals to explore grief, resilience, and embodied healing.
This fall and winter, there are gentle spaces waiting to hold your grief with care. From the First Christmas Without workshop to the Grieving Through the Holidays Guided Course and Holiday Support Circles, these offerings are designed to meet you exactly where you are — whether you need a single evening of soft connection or a steady container to carry you through the season. Your grief deserves to be witnessed. Your heart deserves space to rest. And this season, even amidst change, you deserve gentleness.
